70s/80s Trash TV! The Battle of the Network Stars
Ladies and gentlemen, what you are about to experience is nothing less than a rollicking romp through the gilded pantheon of televised tomfoolery! In this extraordinary edition of “Past Tens: The Top 10 Time Machine,” your indefatigable host Dave, with the unparalleled, inimitable chartmeister Milt sidelined by injury, in steps a stupendous subsititution, the incomparable Mark Gerber! The duo embark upon a triumphant return to that most spectacular, most ludicrous, most magnificently melodramatic of American institutions: The Battle of the Network Stars!
Dave and Mark seize the moment, diving headlong into the swirling waters of nostalgia. They revisit — with the reverence of historians and the joi de vivre of carnival barkers — the unforgettable competitions of the '70s and '80s: the sinew-straining tug-of-war battles, the kayaking cataclysms that defied physics, the controversies that shook the nation, and the races that left audiences gasping for breath.
Marvel as Debbie Allen storms back from adversity on the obstacle course! Tremble as kayak after kayak — piloted by celebrities who had no business in watercraft — spirals into beautifully chaotic disaster! Relive the titanic clash between Gabe Kaplan and Robert Conrad, a showdown that echoed through the annals of competitive fluff!
And through it all, you’ll hear the resonant ghost of Howard Cosell himself, narrating each triumph and tragedy with Olympian gravitas and trademark incredulity.
This is no mere recap, friends — it is a celebration of Trash TV in its purest, most incandescent form. A reminder of why this bizarre, charming, star-studded spectacle remains etched into the hearts of millions.
Topics
00:53 Declaring the Golden Age of Trash TV
01:12 Enter Mark Gerber — a man ready for battle
02:28 Time Machine engaged: Destination, Network Stars
04:35 Celebrity titans reviewed
10:23 The Voice of God: Cosell’s commentary
13:54 Countdown ignites
26:39 Crystal vs. Letterman — an unlikely duel
32:34 Debbie Allen triumphs heroically
36:02 Ow! Injuries aplenty
36:49 Debbie Allen’s unquenchable spirit
37:03 Celebrity connections revealed
38:25 Mark Harmon: athlete among mortals
40:02 “Summer School” reveries
42:48 Kayaks of chaos
1:00:02 Tug of war tension mounts
1:07:21 The climactic heave-ho
1:08:30 A plunge into Real People
1:10:36 CBS vs. NBC — a struggle for the ages
1:15:45 Cosell’s iconic crowning moments
1:30:28 Conrad vs. Kaplan: The myth, the matchup
1:38:09 A wistful farewell to the magic of Network Stars
